So I'm not going to be here for the next 4 days (2-day field trip plus weekend), and I figured I would say ADIOS, MI MUCHACHOS!!!!
Okay, anyways. :-D I was really throw-uppy sick all yesterday, which sucked royally. I managed to come in for the Beta meeting after school because I had promised Miss Person I would. Surprisingly, the thing lasted no more than half an hour, so sneaky little me, I went to Kellie's house for an hour. Nothing happened - I was so sleepy, and I missed her so desperately...We decided to take a nap, and she was able to hold me for the first time in several weeks. I had forgotten how much I need it to feel special and loved. I didn't want to leave, not for a moment, but I didn't have much of a choice. I'm just glad I was able to be held by my baby. I'm going to really miss her for the next 4 days. Daddy's chaperoning the trip, so I won't be able to arbitrarily call her when I miss her (which is always).
I know that Jonathan will miss me, which is both a fear and a relief. I like knowing that no matter what I do, someone will always love me. It's really selfish, actually, and I acknowledge that. I could treat the boy like scum and he would still adore me. It's almost like I'm taking advantage of his foolish affection for me. At least it's not like it was summer of 2006 when all I did was be physical with him because I wanted someone to love me. Every time I went to his house, that was all I wanted to do. I didn't want him to talk to me, I didn't want a conversation or to be held. I just wanted to...forget. Pretend that all the pain that Britt put me through had never existed.
I love knowing that I have my BabyAngelLove now, and she's all I need. I don't even especially think about Britt and get sad anymore. She's just another person that broke my heart. Trust me - there were plenty.
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3 comments:
I'm glad that you got to see Kellie again, you two do really make a great couple.
I don't blame you for always wanting someone to be there and love you. I think everybody wants that, me included. You're over Brittany now, thank god. I'm sure you'll even forget about her eventually, at least for the most part.
OHMYGOD SHOES!
Well, I doubt I'll ever forget about her - they say you never forget your first love. But yeah, I'm over her!!! It took my literally almost exactly one year to move on, unfortunately. I wasted a lot of time that I'll never get back. Ah well. C'est la vie!!
True that. I'd say never regret something that once made you smile, but that's a load of bull. Just focus on what makes you smile now.....betch,
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