I give up.

I can't feel my own body. Every new development makes my blood run cold and I'm left feeling weak, unable to stand anymore. I can't feel my legs. My arms. My heart....He's on her side. I know that he is. Yes, I overreacted, but I was 100% sincere in trying to be her friend. I'm sick of putting everything into my relationships and just being used or ignored. It seems to mean nothing to him, my pain.

I hate myself so much. I want to die. I feel so useless, so disgusting. This is why I have a low self-esteem, goddamnit! I can't do anything right, EVER. Why am I like this? Why can't I love myself, trust that he won't leave me for her? I hate her right now. But not more than I hate myself. He deserves a million times better, some girl who is sure of herself and doesn't want to go find a fucking blade and go back to her old ways. I am nothing. I just make him miserable. Why the fuck is he even with me?

I give up.